A lot Like Judas

I was watching a church service online this weekend and there was a fantastic sermon on Judas. Then it dawned on me how alike we are.

I was watching Jentzen Franklin from Free Chapel. He spoke so beautifully of the lessons Judas taught us. Here, all these years, I had been claiming to know God. I did, know him, but I hadn’t ever taken the time to really know him on anything more than an acquaintance level. I didn’t let Him inside. I was only willing to give Him a small space within myself. I seen and felt Jesus with my own eyes and heart, and still wouldn’t give Him all of me. I thought that if I could just show up, say a prayer once in a while, and help out once in a while, I was good to go. I mean, I thought about the after life. More of a Heaven VS Hell kind of thing. For example, didn’t flip that driver off that just cut me off, headed to Heaven. Screamed at everyone I love, headed to Hell. That was my life. It was a tricky balancing act. I’m not sure when or why, I just decided that since the Bible said ALL that I was finally safe. I didn’t need to worry about all the other stuff. After I joined the online Bible reading group, I started right in. I read everything that had been assigned up to the point I entered. I scrolled through the past weeks posts, and read each of them and followed all the directions. After getting caught up, I felt like I was on fire. Then I started noticing that it was just a read a chapter a day group, no real discussion, no studying, nothing. I was a bit saddened by it. I was actually really turned off by it. However, I had given my word that I would do the group to help support a friend. I took it upon myself to start really diving into the word. I created a few topics that I felt I was being called to study. The first one was, what I refer to as, The Walking Dead. The more I studied it, the more I realized that, that was me. I was claiming to know who Christ is, and truthfully, I was scared to death to let Him in. I know what’s inside of me, and it isn’t something I was proud of. I will be the first to say that I have my mean, hypocrite, ugly, hateful, selfish, thorny side. However, I will also be the first to admit that I have a side that is all about doing what is right, honorable, loving, caring, compassionate and joyful side. That side, by my measurement was ballooned up. It was there, there is no denying that, but it was blown up to appear bigger by a lot of hot air. I made a decision that I was not going to be the waling dead anymore. When the group was ending it’s months long challenge to read the Bible daily, I choose to leave. I felt like I was wasting my time and the groups manager. I didn’t call them out for not being more, I didn’t say much about what I truly thought of the group. Instead, I thanked them for inviting me and explained that I was taking a turn on a new path and heading in a different direction. I had made solid clear footsteps researching, studying, and opening myself up to Jesus and I wasn’t going to dilly-dally along the path. I really was on fire. I was a ball of flames, running wildly down this new path and cheering myself on. I was finally starting to find my true mustard seed of faith.